My little cheerleader

Allana is well aware that how we humans live our lives directly affects our physical body. She watches a trim, healthy, young women jogging on TV and immediately calls out, "Mom, when can we go jawggin'?" To which I usually reply, "Soon, honey. But not now."
This scene repeated itself, almost verbatim, for weeks before I decided to begin my exercise routine about 3 weeks ago. Sometimes Allana goes around the block with me so she can "jawg" too...but most of the time it's just me and my headphones. I return to the house, hot and sweaty, and Allana always asks, "How was your run, Mommy? Do you feel good?" To which, I happily reply, "yes!"
Monday, I prepared to run and Allana begged to go with me. I told her, instead of running, she could be my little helper and hold my water bottle on the porch...and when I run by, she could hand it to me. I also added an "out" for her...if I took too long, she could just leave the bottle by the road and I would find it there.
As I ran, I took the longer route around the neighborhood so I could push myself a little further. I approached the house and immediately saw that Allana was no longer waiting on the porch. I'm not proud of this, but I thought, "crap. She went inside and now I'm going to have to stop my workout and find my water bottle..."
One picture stopped me in my new Nike's tracks. My water bottle was waiting for me, sweating beads of perspiration in the hot, humid July air. It was right where I usually keep it, safely placed at the edge of our driveway. In the blue screw-top lid, I found 2 purple wildflowers weaved into the latch.
My little cheerleader believes in me...and I love her for not only helping her mommy get off the couch and into her skinny jeans but doing it with all that's within her. She is encouraging beyond her 6 years and I'm amazed by her devotion and love of all beautiful things.

'atta girl

I ran today. I've been sticking to my exercise goal very tightly for 3 weeks now and it's paying off. My clothes fit better and multiple friends have complimented my physical appearance.
But, when I run/walk/do a workout video, I feel miserable the whole time I'm doing it. I don't stop because I know that it will pay off and after I'm finished working out (4-5 times a week), I am drained. I mean, crawl-on-my-knees-collapsing-on-the-floor-DRAINED. I was not blessed with the "runner's high" I hear some people experience after pushing themselves to the limit...and for that, I'm a bit bitter. Wouldn't it be grand to work up a sweat and feel GREAT for doing it? Instead, I drag myself to the shower and pep-talk myself into blow-drying my hair (hey, styling hair is WORK, people!). I usually end up taking a 5-hr-energy (AKA Optimism in a bottle) and try to make it through my normal day.
In addition to this exhausting process, I am dealing with some serious health issues. If you don't know already, I'll tell ya...
I had gallbladder surgery about 3 months ago. It was for the best as I had over 30 stones in that inflamed organ. BUT since then, I have had digestive issues that were expected to subside as time went by...and they didn't. They have become so overwhelming and I'm at my whit's end. I can't sleep, eat normally, work well, concentrate, or worst of all, be happy. I have a 24/7/365 stomach bug with all the symptoms that may imply.
So, after trying many treatments and other life-changes (including my exercise routine), I have to have a procedure that I like to refer to "It Who Must Not Be Named" (hint: it rhymes w/ swollenoscopy) and I'm terrified. Not of the procedure (I know it's very safe and relatively pain-free) but of this road I seem to be barreling down.
Do you ever feel like, despite your efforts to live a life you imagine is right and normal, life pushes...no shoves you down another path full of events that cause you to stop in horror? I look at this life I am living and I think, "This HAS to be an out-of-body thing" b/c I would never, ever let myself be on 8 prescribed medications and having preventative health issues that most 78-yr-old women can identify with but most 29 (almost 20-10) year-olds have no clue about. I truly feel like if I were in better shape, eating healthier, and working a less-stressful job, I would not be dealing with these health issues.
Now the issue is, "How do I make a U-turn?" I'm pretty sure I've passed the point of not going to the Dr. b/c my health requires that I continue going to the Dr. and taking the medications prescribed...but a life-change will require MANY changes in habits, life-styles, and expectations on my part. I'm just not sure how to go about that other than slowly (as I am doing now). I'm making small goals in ALL areas of my life that I've been meeting and doing very well in. But I feel the pressure for more drastic measures.
Is this pressure good? Or am I setting myself up for failure by expecting too much change all at once?
I really do want to hear your thoughts. If you would like more information on my situation, just message me and I would love to talk.
I am not too proud to admit that I need encouragement too. If you think I AM on the right track w/ my life goals, please feel free to send me an "'atta girl" cuz I could use it!
Thanks!

In the year of our Lord, 2015

I know what you are about to say...
You are going to say, "give it time" or "take a deep breath, it will be ok eventually" but I honestly don't want to hear that.

I KNOW that in 20, 10, maybe even 5 years, my life will be going significantly better then it is right now. I will probably have a stable, decent paying job using the skills and knowledge I have acquired over the years. My house will not be falling down around me, nor will it be located in an area where neighbors doing drugs out number those with legitimate jobs. I imagine, I will be driving a vehicle w/o the "check engine" light on and one that doesn't cost more monthly as my house payment/rent. I'm not positive, but I hope that during that time in my life, I will be able to look back and remember this time of life and think, "I'm glad I held on. I'm glad I finished my degree and let God take me through those trials. I see why what happened, happened." I really hope that's what happens, because that hope is what I have left.



I was thinking tonight about my schooling. I had so much encouragement from family, friends, classmates, and professors. Those words of encouragement were what kept me going when many times I just wanted to "forget" to enroll for the next semester and let myself have a "break" from all that work. Those encouraging words led me to believe that w/ an education, with a degree, I would be better off. My family would be better off. My life would be different. Isn't that what we are ALL taught? Well that encouragement and hope has evaporated as quickly as graduation day came to a close. I feel like my bachelor's degree is my cab fare and last night's date said, "Thanks for the promissory notes, we had a great time but we don't really do the lingering overnight thing...wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. Maybe we will see ya around again sometime? At the next Alumni Banquet? Don't forget your donation!"
The ONLY job offer I have received, I took. I work at a job that I like, with people I love and I make $8.50/hr. Every day that I work, I lose at least $5. I am paying somebody $5 to work. I'm not joking.

Each day is getting more difficult and I find myself questioning my sanity. Why in the world did I drag my babies to that library and force them to be silent until it closed at midnight so I could go to group meetings while Josh worked nights in order to pay the bills? Why did I enroll and begin classes again just weeks after losing my son? Why did I schedule an emergency surgery for a later date in order to miss only one day of class? So I could pay $5/day and have someone else take care of my children?

Today, May 29th, 2010, I don't care one bit that my life will be better on May 29th, 2015. I do care that on this night, I can't sleep (for the second night in a row) because I am stuck in this house that is quite literally falling in around me, only to escape on the weekdays via my van w/ it's screaming engine light to a job where I smile and pretend that I'm so happy and thankful for each and every one of those 8.5 dollars/hour.
Is this what I worked for? In short, the answer is, "no"... but that fixes absolutely nothing right now.

I am not a woe-is-me kinda person...at least I don't like to think I am. So I will sign off of this note, head to my careerbuilder.com and craigslist.org and apply for some more jobs. After all, 2015 will come soon...

finishing what I began

Since I got distracted with life, I never finished my water bottle blog! I shall fix that now!
I tried 2 Starbuck drink containers and I love them both. The first is an insulated travel coffee mug that I use for water only. The other is made specifically for water. I like them both and I'll list their pros and cons below. :-)

Heart Mug Pros:
Insulated
Spillproof
Cute
Fits in cupholders

Heart Mug Cons:
NOT dishwasher safe
NOT microwave safe
keeps the taste/smell of the drink used last
mild "plastic" taste

Water Bottle Pros:
Super cute!
little to no "plastic" taste
fits cupholders
easy to carry

Water Bottle Cons:
Sweats
NOT spillproof (drips from lid when tipped over)
Tall and top-heavy
NOT dishwasher or microwave safe

I've come to the conclusion that there are NO perfect re-usable water containers. I still want a glass one with a cute protective cover, but I'm not willing to pay a ton for one that I can't see and feel before I buy it...so I'm still waiting to find one in a store so I can do just that.

PLEASE let me know if you see/find a glass container in a store! I really really really want one! :-)

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H2Uh-Oh

Had I but known...
My newest obsession...being green. But not going all crazy-like by hugging trees and splashing red paint on fur coats...well not yet, at least. I just want to make those "little" changes that the greenies tell us to do. Those small alterations to our daily life that can make a great impact to our earth. I figure, God tells me to be a good steward of what He has given me, right?

So I started recycling again (green idea #1). It's not so easy for me to do. I know all of you are gasping in horror at the fact that I'm so behind the times...well SHUT IT! I hardly have time to brush my teeth in the morning and now I'm expected to rinse, de-label and sort my trash into bags that I have to tie up, drag to the van, and transport to a recycling center?!? (PS I still don't know where to take them, and my van's back seat is quickly filling up!)

Green idea #2: shop thrifty. I have been going to all the thrift/antique/consignment stores FIRST when I need "new" items for my family and home. Once again, time is my enemy. It takes so much patience to sort through shelves of dusty knicknacks in order to find that serving dish. It's so tiring to slide hundreds of moth-eaten sweaters on a rack just to find that one perfect cardigan with only a single missing button. But I'm doing it. So YAY for me.

Green idea #3: EDUCATE myself. I'm so stinkin' clueless about the ins and outs of living green. There are so many easy things I can do but they aren't on a list. I need a list, a how-to, a "become a tree-hugger-wannabe for dummies". So I started today by obsessing over cool green websites and I'm stuck on one about having healthier kids by reducing exposure to harmful chemicals in your own home! Who knew? Jamie has asthma and I thought I was doing all I could to help him and here I'm missing out on some seemingly obvious and simple things to do just b/c I was uninformed. So I clicked on every link on healthychild.org in hopes of changing that...which leads me to my brilliant green idea #3:
Blog about it. This is my journey. And as any good journey, there will be ups and downs...so why not chronicle it? I'm a skeptic. I don't believe I can be green and keep true to my budget, family living style, and personal expectations.
Along the way, I'll ask for your help and tips. I expect you'll laugh at me along the way too...just make sure you share you joy at my expense. I asked for it! :0)

Question #1 for YOU: What's your position on bottled water? I can't STAND the taste of water from reusable plastic or aluminum bottles...so what's an avid water-drinker supposed to do? Here's a link for an article that talks about the dangers of bottled water. What do you think?

The land of Funtiques

It was a horrible and gloomy Tuesday in the land of My Life. Princess Kristina had woke up sleepier then when she laid her head down last night. Her professors had no pity on her.

To make matters worse, her prince was in a land far, far away name T-Mobilot slaying the dragon called Customeragon who always seemed angry about terrible things the he did to himself. Customeragon liked to blame all his misfortune on the good people of T-Mobilot and Prince Charming was busy defending his kingdom.

Princess Kristina had received news of a new land called Funtiques in the kingdom of Springfield. This new land promised hope of fun fabrics and vintage pieces that would surely put a smile back on the Princesses' sad face. So she traveled to the land of Funtiques and spent many minutes traveling up and down it's alleys. She found various things that made her smile and decided to make a deal with the Queen of Funtiques in order to bring some treasures back to her homeland. She wasn't sure if her Prince Charming would care a lick about her treasures, but nonetheless she decided to share her fortune with the good people of the Internet.

Enjoy this picture of her treasures, oh people of the Internet. "Oooh" and "Aaah" as much as you please...and if you don't get your fill, head on over to Funtiques Market on Commecial near National ave. in Springfield to find your own adventure and bring home many treasures to share with your own kingdom.

OH, and remember that we all live happily ever after.
The End.